Sample Journal Entries - Bam Margera
If fucking heroin Novak here wouldn’t be trying to break my goddamn keyboard with his little beer can antics, we’d have an entry here, by now. What’s up, life partner? Oh, you got your shit demoted, cuz you can’t keep your fingers to yourself. He’s all sitting here on my shoes like I don’t care if he’s hammered, getting in my way. Get out of here, you grimy fuck. I’m trying to get married here in like 72 hours, and this jerk is trying to break all my technology, so I can’t even think.

Ok, he’s gone, the fuck.

I should be nervous, right? But I’m not even. Everybody keeps saying this stuff to me like, aw, Bam, this is such a big deal, I can’t believe you’re doing it. It’s not like you, man. Or, man, do you know what you’re getting yourself into? And I’m like shit, dude, it’s marriage. I’m gonna spend the rest of my life with this chick, of course I know. Phil and April have been married forever, and I’m constantly all in their stuff. But even Ape is like, Bam, it’s such a huge deal, you gotta make sure, you gotta get all this stuff together, you gotta stop and think about this….Why am I the one who’s so cool about it, and everybody else is going bat-shit haywire?

Missy’s being a trooper, I’m pretty prouda that girl. She was all nervous on TRL the other day, but she’s not buying into Ape’s stuff. That’s her job, the OH MY GOD WHAT ARE YOU DOING stuff all the time. Missy’s so much cooler than that. She’s all collected. She has her shit together, so she can keep my shit together. That’s some of what the difference is, between Jenn and her. Jenn doesn’t know her damn ass from a hole in the ground, and that’s pretty sad, considering. I even got my shit sorted out better than she did, way back when we were together, and I was pretty young. And Jenn’s older than me, so I guess that says something about her. What the fuck, with Elle and everything. How are you gonna go and have a kid, and be like that? I still don’t know how they didn’t fucking give me that restraining order. I’d be worried about the house and stuff, while Missy and I are gone, but there’s gonna be punk ass kids crawling all over this dump anyway. They’ll beat her off. I’m putting up a big sign, I think. She’s target practice toast.

Somebody said something to me, about whether I was worried she was gonna show up at the wedding. Not really. I don’t think she would, there’s gonna be security like two miles deep. If she did turn up, man, how tired would that make her look, that she can’t even leave us alone for getting married? If she wants to look like some blown out skank with a stick up her ass, on MTV, fine, whatever. Go the fuck ahead, cuz that’s good TV. That shit’d be all over fucking YouTube like five minutes later. If she wants to be that kinda famous, then…damn. Do whatever, I don’t even care. It’s not gonna ruin my day.

What is gonna ruin my day? Nothing. Dude…nothing. The whole thing’s like 110% ready to go, and I am like 200% ready to get to it, and get it done, and get on top of the next thing. Back when Jess got married, I told him one day, damn, there is way too much work going into this. It really is. If we weren’t doing the show, I wouldn’t be half as chilled out as I am now. I’d be thinking about it too hard, but now I can be like, dude, show me the dailies. Dude, that light was fucked up. Dude, did you even get that shot that just happened? Takes my mind off all the crazy stuff, like how much some shit costs, or how much somebody’s parents are freaking out, or how many minute ass details are gonna blow the whole thing to smithereens if there isn’t some whole committee making sure it gets done.

That’s like half of why I’m admiring Missy right now. She’s way more in control of that stuff. See, keeping shit together, again, that’s all she does all day. She’s real classy, like somebody you want to put up on TV and be like, heeey, that thar’s mah woman. I don’t know if I would’ve wanted to make a whole show about Jenn, but damn, I’d probably have had to, cuz I would really go insane with her ass trying to pull a wedding out of itself. But I seriously don’t think that bitch is gonna show. I thought she would way earlier than this. Everybody knows we’ve been filming, but I didn’t hear anything out of her, and that’s amazing, cuz she’s full of so much ungodly shit all the time.

You know else isn’t gonna turn their ass up? Dunn. That douchebag fucking told me he was gonna be here, and I was all like yeah, all right, cuz you’re still one of the groomsmen or ushers or whatever we’re calling them now. Today’s about over, though, so he’s got two to turn up, before I call him MIA. This is the only one of those details I’m sweating. I don’t have a back up man, Dunn. Get your ass over here. I don’t even know what he’s doing. Like, he didn’t tell me. He just said, aw, yeah, I’ll hop on a plane and get over there. And I was believing him, so I told Missy and April oh yeah, Dunn’s gonna be here, so now I’m ticking down the hours until I have to tell them to screw it. He’s gonna throw so much shit off. There has to be like an even number of groomsmen to go with the bridesmaids. I better start drawing straws to see which one of Missy’s pals gets the boot.

Seriously though, it’s gonna be more of a trainwreck explaining it to April. Missy will come up with something, April will like…I don’t know. She was telling me the other day all about how she misses him and doesn’t think he should keep leaving, because he’s part of the family or some shit. I think she was trying to tell me to tell him to come back, but man, I don’t have anything to do with it. Not seriously. I don’t know what he keeps getting up his colon, but I didn’t tell him to get out of here so like…I don’t even have authority over that. I told him he didn’t have to be on the show, but that was after his ass told me he didn’t want to. I didn’t tell him to go some place. But we’ll see. I’m not gonna make some fuss until Thursday, so he’s got one more day to show his mangy mug around these parts.

Tomorrow is gonna be a long as hell day.